Monday, January 11, 2010


So the other night I wrote a new song. It's called Gone. I wrote it on a night when I couldn't sleep because a movie had completely freaked me out. At this point, I was getting very frustrated both with myself, my parents, and God.

Myself, because... let's just get this out of way... Sherlock Holmes freaked me out. It is so hard for me to see all of my friends completely LOVING a movie, and I can't even watch it without having a night without sleep like some toddler. And, I can't even discern when something's going to scare me. Right after Sherlock Holmes, I loved it! I loved the plot, the characters, especially the music. I thought it was the best movie ever - until I tried to sleep. And images of Lord Blackwood performing gross rituals on people came up. I hate it. I hate that I'm like this. I can't see anything except Disney Channel and Princess and the Frog without getting freaked out. It makes me feel like a complete and utter wimp.

My parents because they just don't understand. They keep asking me what I'm afraid of. Don't I know that it was just a movie and none of it was real? Yes, I absolutely know that it's not real. I don't pretend to understand why Sherlock Holmes scares me and Lord of the Rings doesn't bother me a bit. I don't even know what's scaring me, exactly. I just know what my body is feeling - I start shaking sometimes, my stomach is in a knot, and every time I close my eyes I see those horrible images. I don't even know why I bother to come downstairs and see them when I'm scared, they just don't get it, and they end up making me feel worse. I know they're just trying to help, but it doesn't work.

God, because he could take this all away with a snap of his fingers. Where is He when I need him? Two nights in a row I wasn't able to sleep for different movies. I NEED sleep. I start school tomorrow.

So that's the position I'm in as I'm writing this song. I feel like I'm alone and that everyone, even God, is just gone. I can't find any comfort anywhere. The song sounds very dark, sad, and dissonant at parts, because that's how I felt. I felt confusion, and pain, and like everyone was just gone. No one could help.

1 comment:

  1. I believe man is essentially evil. The biblical doctrine is "total depravity". The bible says "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." It doesn't mean we can't and don't do good--even great--things, but it means that our nature is corrupted and we can't fix ourselves. Only Jesus can do that!