I've always been a dreamer.
I like to reach for the stars, and I'm not ashamed of it. I like to think big.
But sometimes, I think a little too big.
Do you ever wonder what God has in store for you? What plans He has for your life?
I do. I do more than I should. In fact, my dwelling on the future has left my present dull and unsatisfactory. You see, my fault lies in pride. That sin that we all struggle with, but the sin itself keeps us from admitting it to ourselves.
My pride makes me want attention. I want to be recognized. Known. But not just for anything. I don't want to be known for being the best composer in the world. I don't want to be known for writing the best books. Those would all be great, but I want a higher glory. I want to be known for doing something great for God.
My friends jokingly call me Mother "Torisa". What they don't know, though, is that she is exactly who I aspire to be. I want so badly to be known, like her, for doing incredible things to advance God's Word.
I want it more than I should, and not always for the right reasons.
And sometimes, I get so caught up in wondering what big plans God has for me and how I can prepare myself for them, that I simply get tangled.
I leave God out of the equation. I want to do big things for God, but if I can't even do little things for Him, why would He entrust me with big things?
He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.
- Luke 16:10 (NASB)
I was completely forgetting about God. The one who gave me the mind to dream. Who gave me the ability to live them. My cheeks grew hot with shame as I realized I hadn't given God a second thought in all this.
I hadn't thought about what would be a big help to Him. What would bring glory to Him. All I was concerned about was what would bring glory to me.
I realized that maybe God didn't want me to be the next Katie Davis. Maybe God didn't want me to be known for freeing the special needs orphans from the oppressive system in Russia and Eastern Europe. Maybe God didn't want me to be the next Mother Teresa.
Maybe God wants me to grow up and write. Maybe God wants me to care for orphans quietly. Maybe God wants me to get married and be a mom.
Just a mom!? I think.
But I have to stop myself. I'm distorting God's view of accomplishments. To God, raising kids that are devoted to Him and follow Him may very well be just as important and just as worthy of the statement, "Well done, my good and faithful servant," as being Mother Teresa.
Who is to say that the people who are known are better or "more godly" than the people who are unknown?
Our society tells us that in order to be important and reach the "top tier" of accomplishment and approval in the world, we need to be known. We need to be famous.
Sadly, I apply this to my relationship with God as well. In order to be considered one of those "good and faithful servants" I need to accomplish some great thing or another in my lifetime.
And I forget that my purpose in this life, my only purpose, is to glorify God. Not become the next biggest thing in orphan care. Not be the next Beth Moore. Not any of that. Glorify him.
When I change a diaper.
When I'm sitting in precalculus.
When I'm laying my head on my pillow at night.
When I'm texting someone.
In whatever I do, I glorify God. And that, not any earthly accomplishment, is what will make me a "good and faithful servant."