Wicked Barbecue Jesus Freaks

It has been a crazy two weeks.

I had a great fall break. It's never bad to get a break from school. I went to my grandparents' house, rightly labeled "The Spa," where I got to sleep as late I wanted, eat whatever I wanted, and watch as many movies as I wanted. Needless to say, I was in Tori Heaven. But, can you believe it? I actually missed getting up and walking. I noticed the effects that not walking had on me. Restless sleep. Bad breakouts of acne. Who knew what a difference walking was making?

While I was there, I got to see the Broadway show (well, not technically on Broadway) Wicked. I had heard this show built up and built up and built up by friends. Needless to say, it lived up to my expectations. The music? Fabulous. The effects? Breathtaking. But the best part of all? The story. As someone who loves writing, reading, and stories in general, I was on the edge of my seat the whole time thinking, Whoever thought this up is the most creative genius in the universe. Word of advice, though - Don't read the book. My parents won't even let me try it because the foul language is so frequently used.

While I was there, I got to eat some small town barbecue. Believe me, there is nothing better than a good barbecue sandwich, a hot bowl of Chili, and some sweet tea.

What I was not expecting over fall break, though, was the disagreement I'd encounter over my plans for my life. As of now, I don't even know if I want to go to college. My dream life would be living in a dirt poor orphanage, loving on kids for my whole life. As I was relating this to a few people, all they would say in reply was, "Well, I wouldn't do that."

While they didn't say it, I could see it in their eyes. They disapproved. They did not think that I was using the gifts God has given me to my full extent. Film score composer? They'd love it. Famous author? Just as good. But not dirt poor. Not a dirt poor girl living in a dirt poor place.

Truthfully, this opposition took me off guard. I was not used to people discouraging my dreams of working in an orphanage. In fact, I was used to being built up for it. My family, my church, my friends - they all support my goals, college or no college, rich or poor. I won't lie - it shook me. Is this how most people feel? I thought. Do they feel like I'm going to waste? There was a time not too long ago that I thought that very same thing. God's gifted me at writing classical music, at writing in general, at academics - I can't just throw all that away.

But, just because I don't use my talents in a way that the world sees as rewarding, does not mean that God isn't using them. And I've learned that not a lot of people will understand that. But only One opinion really matters.

Top Songs of 2009

As I was browsing through iTunes the other day (if you don't know how big a music fan I am by now, you've got some catching up to do), I found an iTunes Essentials playlist with all the top songs of 2009. I immediately decided to see how many I knew at least the chorus for.

Almost all of them. From "Right Round" by Flo Rida, "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift, "Just Dance" by Lady GaGa, and "Boom Boom Pow" by Black Eyed Peas. I knew AT LEAST the chorus on most of them and the entire song's worth of lyrics for quite a few of them.

I was so proud of myself. I was up with times. I wasn't such a complete classical music dork.

But as I listened to what I was singing, I was shocked and angry at myself. Have you heard some of those lyrics? They're disgusting! Gross! I can't believe I know them, let alone sing along with them! I was ashamed of myself for being proud of being so much like today's culture. I was getting sucked in by something as innocent as music. And I never even knew it.

I'm not saying it's bad to listen to mainstream stuff, I'm just saying you have to make sure you guard your heart while you're listening. I've caught myself almost letting a cuss word slip out every now and then. And I know it's because of that music. I just have to keep reminding myself that saying those things or thinking in that manner is NOT OKAY. No matter what culture says.

Words have tremendous power. But words coupled with music. It's catchy and powerful. Double whammy. Make sure it doesn't take hold of you.

A Sister Comes Home

I'd like you all to meet the Shore family. From left to right - Caleb, Mrs. Kathleen, Isabel, Mr. David, and Nathan.

We've known the Shores since pretty much forever. For the past two years, they have been trying to adopt a child. They felt called by God to add to their family. Today their dream came true! After two years of waiting, baby Acacia Grace came home!

Acacia is from Ethiopia. Both of her parents had HIV. She was born a twin and, unfortunately, her twin sister died of HIV at birth. Miraculously, though, Acacia does not have it at all! That's why she was named Acacia - the acacia tree symbolizes healing and health! She had a big ol' crowd of people waiting to meet her at the airport today. And, let me just say, she's even more precious in real life than in the picture! I could clearly see the joy in the faces of her family members. I started tearing up. Because I know exactly how they feel. They've waited so long and finally, finally their baby is home. They are about to figure out just how God has blessed them with the gift of adoption! It goes so beyond just leaving the country or bringing the child home. I praise God for their family and for Acacia, and I pray for her healing (she has quite a bad cough). I couldn't be happier for the Shores!

Throughout the joy and celebration of Acacia's homecoming, I couldn't help but feel a pang in my heart. It's going to be another five months or so before we do that with Evan. I don't think people who haven't gone through this process can fully understand what I'm talking about. When I think of Evan, I feel a literal pull on my heart, like it's trying to burst out of my chest and fly to Russia to stay with Evan, to comfort her and let her know her big sister's coming for her. I know some people have to wait so much longer, but I think we all have the same feelings of impatience and longing. On the way home from meeting Acacia at the airport, this song came onto my iPod and I had to send up a prayer of thanks to God for it. It describes perfectly my relationship with Evan, and I've decided it's going to be my Evan theme song for now.

You all can listen to it and share your thoughts by commenting or shooting me an e-mail.

A Musical Journey

People always ask me why I love music so much. And I'm not talking about the average person, yeah-I-like-some-music kind of guy. I'm talking I love ANY music. I'll do country, hip-hop, classical, even opera. I love it all.

Because when I listen to music, I can hear God. I hear the different voices of God in different music. My favorite example of this is The Prince of Egypt soundtrack. So, today, I'm going to take you an a musical journey (no, I'm not being sarcastic or cheesy) through the different voices of God apparent in this soundtrack.

1. God of Joy - Listen to this. How do you not want to get up and dance and sing praises to Him? This clearly demonstrates that God is a joyful God who is happy to be with His children. I mean just listen! Joy leaks from this music!

2. God of Anger - When I hear this, I think that my God is someone not to be trifled with. He is not to be joked around about. He is not to be laughed at. He is God and He could strike you down at any point if He so wanted. Surprisingly this is one of my favorite songs on the soundtrack. Each chorus strike sounds like a blow of God's hand on a disobedient nation. "I send my scourge, I send my sword. Thus saith the Lord."

3. God of Children - God just loves the children. All of them. No matter what race, what mental capacity, whatever. He loves them all as if they were His own. Because they come to Him willingly, trusting that what He says is true even though they can't see it. They have a sweet innocence about them. In this song they are singing his praises! They sing: "I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously. Who is like You, oh Lord, among the celestial. Who is like You, majestic in holiness. In Your love, You lead the people You redeemed. I will sing, I will sing, I will sing."

4. God of Deliverance - God takes care of His people. He delivers him when they call out to Him. Do you hear them begging, pleading with God to save them? And then at the end, He proves himself faithful - and they sing His glory for it.

5. The Unfathomable, Indescribable God - When I listen to this, I just think, "Wow." To me, this describes God better than anything. But even this song can't describe Him. We just can't. We can never fully understand who He is. I think this melody captures some of that mystery and awe.

This is why I love music. Because that's what I can hear. I can hear God. I hope you all have enjoyed this musical journey! It's one of my all-time favorite soundtracks (and I like A LOT of soundtracks)! Thanks for listening!

Ah, the Difficulties of Disney Songs

So, I found this old Disney songbook of piano music and I was absolutely determined to learn a Disney song for Evan.

First, I tried to learn the one I liked best ("Beauty and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast). But, it was hard (well, hard for someone with really small hands), so I decided I'd find a different one.

Then I tried to learn the first one I knew in the book and go from there ("When You Wish Upon a Star" from Pinocchio), but that one was hard too.

So then I decided to learn the one that looked the easiest ("Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid), but that one was STILL hard.

I was quite at a loss. They were all really hard.

I've come to the conclusion that, not just in piano music, you shouldn't just stop because things are hard. Things will always be hard, and you're just going to have to grin and bear it. But, the end result, will be worth all the struggles.

For instance, after I can play "Beauty and the Beast", "When You Wish Upon a Star", and "Part of Your World", it will be so fulfilling. I learned those songs. I can play them.

Even though it might be hard, don't give up, it'll all be worth it in the end.

Selfish Ambitions

If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will find true life.
- Jesus (Mark 8:34-35 NLT)

I never realized how many selfish ambitions I have. Selfish ambitions that I have refused to put aside to follow Jesus for so long. I become more and more sure, daily, that God is calling me to orphan ministry.

But, I still hold on to that dream of going to college and becoming a film score composer. But, when I really thought about it, as painful as it was for me to realize, the only reason I really wanted to be a film score composer was because I'm good at writing music, and maybe (just maybe) I would be famous. Fame. That's a very selfish ambition. I think perhaps God is leading me away from that path because He knows he's gifted me in that area, but He doesn't want me to turn that gift into something that I use for my own purposes (for instance, fame). Whereas, in someplace like Africa, I could use my gift of music to glorify the Lord, and that'd be the only reason I'd use it.

I don't know how many of you all listen to Christian music, but one of my favorite Christian bands is BarlowGirl. This song really struck a chord with me while I was thinking about this, so I just thought I'd share some of the lyrics.

My hands hold safely to my dreams,
Clutching tightly - not one has fallen.
So many years I've shaped each one,
Reflecting my heart, showing who I am.
Now You're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh-so tightly.
Can't open my hands, can't let go.
Does it matter?
Should I show You?
Can't You let me go?

"Surrender, surrender," You whisper gently.
You say I will be free.
I know, but can't You see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me.

You say You have a plan for me,
And you want the best for my life.
Told me the world had yet to see
What You can do with one
That's committed to Your calling.
I know, of course, what I should do,
That I can't hold these dreams forever.
If I give them now to You,
Will You take them away forever,
Or can I dream again?

"Surrender, surrender," You whisper gently.
You say I will be free.
I know, but can't You see?
My dreams are me.

What Is THAT?

That's usually the response I get when I tell people I play the oboe. They have no idea what it is. Mostly because oboe is a very classical instrument. It's not like clarinets or flutes, which are also used in jazz and stuff like that. Oboe is pretty much a strictly classical instrument. I've been playing oboe for about two years, and I LOVE it. It's not a very common instrument for people to choose to play (not near as popular as flute or violin), but I liked it. From the moment I first heard it, I knew I wanted to play it.

A symphony website can explain better than me how it works, so here is my favorite explanation:

Oboe

Family: Woodwind

Pitch Range: Approximately 2 octaves

Size: About 23 inches long

The oboe, which is pitched just below the flute, is the highest of the double reed instruments. Reeds are small, very thin, slices of cane that are inserted into the top of the instrument. Sound is produced when air is blown through the reeds, which sends a vibration through the instrument. Almost all oboe players make their own reeds (Except not me yet... I'm still focusing on playing), which is quite an artful task. The shape and design of the reed affects the sound the instrument will make, so well-crafted reeds are very important.

The body of the oboe is usually constructed out of wood, starting small and gradually enlarging into a small bell at the lower end. Like the flute, the oboe also has several holes and keys which are used to determine pitch.

Did You Know?

Because the oboe has such a pure sound and its pitch is not as affected by temperature as are many other instruments, it is the instrument that you hear sound an "A" at the beginning of a concert. All other instruments tune to that pitch.

Since most people (who aren't obsessive about classical music) have never heard an oboe, I recorded myself playing a couple of songs I thought some of you might know. Keep in mind that I am by no means a professional. The sound you hear from my oboe would sound about a million percent better if someone who played oboe for a living could play it. But, seeing as I can't hire a professional, you get me! The first song is A Narnia Lullaby, the song Mr. Tumnus plays in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. The second song is My Own Home, the song that the girl sings at the end of The Jungle Book. Hope you enjoy it!

Gone

So the other night I wrote a new song. It's called Gone. I wrote it on a night when I couldn't sleep because a movie had completely freaked me out. At this point, I was getting very frustrated both with myself, my parents, and God.

Myself, because... let's just get this out of way... Sherlock Holmes freaked me out. It is so hard for me to see all of my friends completely LOVING a movie, and I can't even watch it without having a night without sleep like some toddler. And, I can't even discern when something's going to scare me. Right after Sherlock Holmes, I loved it! I loved the plot, the characters, especially the music. I thought it was the best movie ever - until I tried to sleep. And images of Lord Blackwood performing gross rituals on people came up. I hate it. I hate that I'm like this. I can't see anything except Disney Channel and Princess and the Frog without getting freaked out. It makes me feel like a complete and utter wimp.

My parents because they just don't understand. They keep asking me what I'm afraid of. Don't I know that it was just a movie and none of it was real? Yes, I absolutely know that it's not real. I don't pretend to understand why Sherlock Holmes scares me and Lord of the Rings doesn't bother me a bit. I don't even know what's scaring me, exactly. I just know what my body is feeling - I start shaking sometimes, my stomach is in a knot, and every time I close my eyes I see those horrible images. I don't even know why I bother to come downstairs and see them when I'm scared, they just don't get it, and they end up making me feel worse. I know they're just trying to help, but it doesn't work.

God, because he could take this all away with a snap of his fingers. Where is He when I need him? Two nights in a row I wasn't able to sleep for different movies. I NEED sleep. I start school tomorrow.

So that's the position I'm in as I'm writing this song. I feel like I'm alone and that everyone, even God, is just gone. I can't find any comfort anywhere. The song sounds very dark, sad, and dissonant at parts, because that's how I felt. I felt confusion, and pain, and like everyone was just gone. No one could help.

I Love You, Evangeline

So I went and saw The Princess and the Frog last night for a friend's birthday - dressed up like a princess. Yep, I was Anastasia. Sure, people stared at us and some even asked what was going on, but it was tons of fun! And, I LOVED the movie. Now, THAT is a love story! I'd rather see that than New Moon any day! I loved how the characters transformed - they both had flaws, but they helped each other overcome them. And Prince Naveen, at the end, he would give up everything he ever wanted for Tiana. That's love. 100% devotion on both sides, with neither expecting anything in return.

In the movie, the little firefly Ray had fallen in love with the north star, whom he called.... Evangeline! It just made my day! He even sang a song about her! I am going to learn this and sing it to Evan every night before she goes to sleep! Here it is:

Evan's Song

This is a song I wrote for Evan! It's supposed to sound kind of Russian, but I don't know if I accomplished that... Please, please, please give feedback! It helps me become a better composer!

Hope you like it!

Matthew West

Check out my man MW! He's an amazing Christian singer/songwriter who's released four albums so far and just finished up his Something To Say tour. On top of being a really great, god-loving man, he's an awesome singer. He lives with his wife Emily (who is expecting a baby girl!) and his 3-year old daughter Lulu. Also their black pug Earl the Girl. My dad did the covers for his albums along with the majority of his merchandise, so I know him and his family really well. Here's a list of his records so far:

Sellout

Happy (My dad won a Dove (Christian Music) Award for this cover)

History

And his latest album is Something To Say

Look him up. He's pretty awesome.