Damsel In Distress - The Feminist Movement

The "damsel in distress" is an age-old story. Something terrible happens to the beautiful, young lady and she is heroically saved by the gallant and courageous knight in shining armor.
Many women today scoff at this idea. Their first response would be that the beautiful, young lady could've saved herself. She didn't need the assistance of the gallant and courageous knight.
I see where these women come from. They, along with the rest of the women in the world, are tired of being treated as if we are inferior to men. We don't like it that many of today's "men" use their greater physical strength and other aspects of a masculine personality to assert that they are "superior" to women, and use that power negatively.
I also, however, see the flaws of the feminist movement. As women, we have to be careful not to make the same mistake as the men did. We have to remind ourselves that we are not superior to men, but equal. This does NOT mean that women and men have the same jobs, and can do the same things. God designed women to be better suited for the home, to be fantastic, caring mothers and wives. God has assigned the task of providing for the family to the men. This has nothing to do with the women being incapable of doing what men do, or being inferior to them. This has to do with us having equal but different roles.
And, truthfully, I think that most women desire this. I don't know any lady, young or old, who doesn't desire to be protected. When I marry, I want to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my husband will protect me with his life. He won't let anything happen to me. If I'm ever in a dire situation, I don't want him to sit around saying, "I'll let you handle this since women are superior. You should be able to get out of this by yourself. You don't need me." No, I want him to rush in like that gallant and brave young knight and save me, whether I could save myself or not. It's always good to know that the man you spend the rest of your life with will always protect you.
Personally, I hope that someday I will be a damsel in distress. And, I hope that my husband will be the man that God has called him to be, and rescue me. And, I pray that I will become the woman that God has called me to be, and that I will allow him to fulfill his God-given destiny to protect me.

Courtship Shmourtship

I have said very passionately how against dating I am in middle school and high school, but I've never really addressed my views on dating outside of that. In college, or after. Well, folks, I still am not a huge fan of "dating" just to date, but I can do courtship. Courtship in a godly way.

I'd like to introduce you all to Joshua Harris. He is married and has three kids, has written lots of books on the subject, and is a pastor at Covenant Life Church. He is the author of Boy Meets Girl, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is). I highly recommend all of his books.

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of sermons on marriage and dating and courtship. Mr. Harris's sermon "Courtship Shmourtship" is, by far, my favorite. Along with being incredibly insightful and chock full of fantastic advice, it's also pretty funny at parts.

I will type out a small excerpt or two for you all, from the very beginning. Keep in mind, this came out around 2005.

I took my wife to see the new version of Pride & Prejudice this week. Just a little tip for the guys: You can score some major points with ladies if you're into Jane Austen. So I watched this movie, this story, which, if you're not familiar with it: The basic moral of the story is no matter how bad you mess up with a girl, if you're a gazillionare it all works out in the end. Now I knew that was going to anger a few ladies - "That's not true! It's about true love!" Yeah, but he is a gazillionare, isn't he? As I watched this, and all the complications and miscommunications and wrong accusations and misunderstandings and romantic interests playing out in this movie, I thought to myself, "This whole relationship thing has never been easy."

You see, the terms we use to describe our relationships are really meaningless. It's the way we live that matters. I've met people who would describe their relationships as 'dating,' and they are doing that in a way that is glorifying to God, that is marked by genuine love. I've known other people who say they're into courtship, and they're like serial courters. They've courted half the free world! If there isn't genuine love motivating us, the terms we use really don't matter at all.

The rest of his sermon is just as good, and I would encourage you to listen to it. It really is very powerful. You can either listen to it online, or even download it to your iPod.

Here's the link:

http://www.covlife.org/resources/2671357-Courtship_Shmourtship

His message is that it doesn't matter what you call your relationship, if it's based off of selfish desires, it shouldn't be happening. A relationship can only flourish with genuine, Christ-like love. I think that's a message we all need to hear.

Daddy's Girl

I've always been a Daddy's Girl. Always. So when I came across this excerpt from the Christian book Interviewing Your Daughter's Date after listening to a sermon on courtship, I just had to post it. I don't know why I loved this so much, probably because I see my dad reflected in Mr. Rainey. Many girls (and I'm sure guys too) would think he was overprotective, but not me. I see love and needed protection. Parts of this actually made me laugh out loud! I'd be willing to bet my dad will do this when I start dating (which will not be any time soon, I assure you), except that he'll probably have either a gun or a baseball bat with him... Enjoy this! I did!

I was seated at my desk, barely able to concentrate. I shifted papers, opened drawers, glanced out the window. Shifted papers, opened drawers, glanced out the window. Shifted papers... I felt like I was expecting an important phone call and was just trying to do something, anything, productive while waiting. But it wasn't working.

Neither was I.

Finally my executive assistant informed me that the young man I'd been expecting was waiting for me in the lobby.

Deep breath, Dennis. You're the adult here. You can do this. I was about to interview the first of many young men who wanted a date with one of my daughters.

I stood to my feet and walked across the room, still amazed at how nervous I was as I stepped into the lobby to meet Kevin - the only person in the building more anxious and ill at ease than I.

"Afternoon, Kevin, glad you could make it."

"Hello, Mr. Rainey."

"How about we get something from the Coke machine. I hear you're a Dr. Pepper man."

"Yes, sir."

Riding a very thin wave of forced, uncomfortable chitchat, I deposited enough quarters to dislodge a cold can for him and a Diet Coke for me. Then, not wanting to be the Ultimate Intimidator, I suggested we go outside and chat in the parking lot. That's where he showed me his motorcycle - which wasn't exactly how I wanted Ashley to go out on her first date!

I popped the tab on my soft drink and looked squarely into the same eyes that enjoyed looking at my sixteen-year-old daughter. We began with the basics. I asked him about school, his mom and dad and family, interests - just a general get-to-know-you type of conversation.

"Kevin," I said, hoping I'd also remember the rest of the words I wanted to say, "God did a wonderful thing when he made women."

The color fell from his face. This was going to be worse than he had thought. I wondered if at any moment he might hop on that motorcycle and bolt!

I continued. "And, Kevin, God made men and women different. You've probably noticed some of those differences."

Kevin was getting paler by the minute, but he had the presence of mind to nod.

"Actually, God made us different so that men and women would be attracted to one another. Now, Kevin," I paused for dramatic effect, "you have probably noticed that God made Ashley quite attractive. She's a really cute girl. In fact, you've probably noticed that she has a cute figure."

This was less of a statement and more of a question. If Kevin said no, he and I would both know he was lying. If he said yes, however, he was admitting to the obvious: that he had the audacity to notice my daughter's figure!

After a brief pause, I spared him the agony and continued.

"I mean, you're a young man and Ashley is a young lady, and God made men and women to be attracted to one another. It's good." Kevin seemed relieved at my pronouncement. I went on.

"And, Kevin, I just want you to know that I am a man and I understand this attraction. I was once a teenage boy, and I know what teenage boys think about. I've even read some research on this, and the studies show that teenage boys think about sex every seven seconds."

At this point Kevin's eyes darted, wondering where I was going next.

"And, Kevin, you and I both know those teenage boys were lying about the other six seconds."

At this point Kevin's eyes began to dilate! There was no dodging this one. "Yes, sir," he said, with a nervous little laugh.

"Kevin, I don't know how to put this any plainer: I want you to keep your lips and hands off my daughter. And I'm going to help you with that. Because whether I see you at the door after your first date with Ashley - or after your fiftieth date - you can expect me to ask you, 'Kevin, are you dealing uprightly with my daughter?' And I want you to know what I mean when I ask you that question. Are we communicating, Kevin?"

"Yes, sir." His eyes were fully dilated at this point.

I continued. "Kevin, more than likely Ashley is going to be somebody's wife someday. And I don't want you touching her body. Would you want someone touching your wife's body?"

"No, sir."

"That's what I thought. So you and I, we know what we're talking about when I ask you to be accountable for protecting the emotional and moral purity of my daughter, right?"

He nodded enough to let me know my vocabulary was in his dictionary.

"And, Kevin, I want you also to take this challenge: If God ever gives you the privilege of being a husband and a dad, especially if He gives you girls, I want you to take your role so seriously with them that you'll talk to your daughters' dates the way I've talked with you today. Will you promise me that?"

"Yes, sir."

At that point both Kevin and I were relieved that the conversation was over. I grinned and patted him on the back. I told him I was proud of him for coming to talk to me and allowing me to interact with him around such important issues.

As he was putting his helmet on, he answered one last question by assuring me he'd take Ashley out in a car!

Stephanie Meyer is the New Jane Austen?

That's what one of my friends defended passionately the other day.

"Twilight is a classic! Stephanie Meyer is the new Jane Austen!"

I will allow my friend some liberties. Today, Edward and Bella's relationship in Twilight is the kind most girls dream of.

But, as my mom and I were watching the new Masterpiece Classics version of Jane Austen's Emma, I realized that Jane Austen is ten times the romance writer that Stephanie Meyer will ever be. Stephanie Meyer creates relationships that don't happen in real life, where the character's only argue about who loves the other more, and their only problems are people getting in the way of their love. In Jane Austen's novels, characters have very deep concerns about their relationships that are not all motivated selfishly. For instance, Emma would have refused to marry the man she loved because she knew her father could not bear it if she left home. Jane Austen's characters have a depth about them and their relationships that Stephanie Meyer's don't (I mean a vampire trying to drink your fiancé's blood in real life? I don't think so.)

Stephanie Meyer's books also encourage infatuation other than real sacrificial love. Bella is not in love with Edward - she is completely OBSESSED. That was not healthy two hundred years ago in Jane Austen's time, it's not healthy now. But in Jane Austen's novels, the heroine's examine their feelings and do not "fall in love" on a whim. They take time to understand their true feelings and separate them from selfish desire. And the characters' who do become infatuated are heartbroken, and realize that obsession does not equal love.

And, finally to my favorite point of all. Jane Austen's men are wonderful. Mr. Darcy, Mr. Knightley, Mr. Bingley, all of them. They are truly chivalrous, considering a lady's honor above anything else and treating women of all rank with the utmost respect. They open doors, they bow, they court a woman and get to know her before completely throwing themselves into a relationship they will regret. And they stick with their decisions. The ones that don't are shown in a bad light. I wish there were more men like them today. Guys today think they're being all cool when they talk about how many girls they've dated and slept around with and, to me, it's just outright disgusting. My defending line when friends ask me why I just won't try dating right now - "I want a husband, not a boyfriend." Jane Austen's men didn't take advantage of a woman's feelings and time and attentions and then drag their feet when it came to marriage. No. If they wanted a relationship, they committed. You boys want a real role model? First of all, try reading the Bible. Second, read some Jane Austen.

Girls, try watching Pride & Prejudice (the Keira Knightley one is my favorite), Emma (the Masterpiece Classics version is best), or Sense and Sensibility (the one with Kate Winslet). It's unexplainable how much more worth your time they are than Twilight.

New Moon

I was never a big Twilight fan. I have friends that absolutely LOVE it, and friends that hate it with a burning passion, but I'm kind of lukewarm.

I think it's a brilliant story and incredible character ideas. Like the vampires' human talents being magnified? That's a magnificent idea! That makes for a great story. But all this overly-dramatic romance? I could do without it.

Since when did, "I love you so much I would die for you," become, "I love you so much I won't kill you,"?

My parents won't let me read any of the books except the first one, and they were hesitant to let me see the movie. This made me angry at first, but now I'm beginning to understand. Twilight is presenting girls with a romantic relationship that's just not real, and not healthy. Bella and Edward don't really LOVE each other so much, they are absolutely INFATUATED with each other. Girls today say, "I want a boyfriend like Edward." I can tell you right now, I don't.

He leaves to protect you, and then tries to kill himself when he thinks your dead. That's not heroic, that's called feeling sorry for yourself and not moving on with your life. He stalks her at night and watches her when she sleeps. That's not romantic, that's creepy and unethical.

I like the story, it's a good concept, but you need to be careful that you guard your heart while you're reading/watching it. They're setting girls up for relationships that don't work, and don't happen in real life. Be careful that you don't get sucked in, because it's dangerous. It's dangerous to focus on relationships like that, instead of your relationship with God and others around you. God will bring you to the right person, and he probably won't be like Edward.

Boys, don't kid yourself into thinking that girls will like you more if you act "cool" like Edward. Good, strong, Christian girls aren't looking for Edwards, they're waiting for disciples of the Lord to come to them.

Why Not Date?

I was with a few families I know a couple of weeks ago and, of course, all the girls were shut up in a room sharing secrets and talking about annoying teachers and guys they liked and all sorts of stuff like that (it's a girl thing).

Now, I may be a rare kind of person, but I'm just not really into dating relationships right now. Sure, I think some guys are cute and all, but I never think now, my mind is always on later.

There was a girl there who was in 4th grade and she'd already had three boyfriends. Now, I know some girls develop romantic feelings earlier than others, and I'm just a late bloomer, and blah, blah, blah... But why? That's my question? Why do you date when you don't get anything out of it?

I've heard people say that it's fun. They say they're in love. Well, that may be, but every time you date someone, you give a little bit of your heart to them. Girls, you may try to deny it, but we just can't help it. We are emotional beings, and we get emotionally attached whether we realize it or not. I have a friend whose dated about five guys this year, and it's the same every time. She's in love, they go out for a few weeks, then he breaks up with her and it breaks her heart. As much fun as it sounds, or however in love you may be, it's just not worth all the heartache.

Statistics show that only 2% of people today marry who they dated in high school.

Less than 1% marry who they dated in middle school.

Elementary school doesn't even have a statistic.

After I throw all that statistical information at people, they're comeback is usually, "Well, why not date?"

1) I can hang out with guys without worrying about whether or not they're a prospective boyfriend.

2) I don't have to deal with all the drama that comes with being in a relationship.

3) I never have to be depressed about a breakup.

My philosophy is that you shouldn't date until you're ready to marry. I mean, isn't that the point of dating anyway? To find out if you'd be good in a marriage relationship together?

And (a personal dream of mine), to take it to the extreme, I would really rather not date until I am married. People today think that's impossible, but I say that anything is possible with God. And I don't see Him being too upset about me saving every single little piece of my heart for my husband. I want my first kiss to be on my wedding day. My heart already swells when I think that I will be able to tell my husband, I saved my first kiss for him. Can you imagine how special that would be? You shouldn't think in terms of 'how much can I get away with?'. You should think 'how little can I do?'.

I mean, on your wedding day, you wouldn't want to tell your husband, "I was in love with 3, or 15, or however many guys before I met you." No. Personally, I want to wait. I want to get away with doing the least. I don't even want to hold hands! And, let me tell you, just thinking about that wedding day, where I can say to my husband, "I never dated anyone before you. I never held hands with anyone before you. My first kiss is today, on my wedding day," makes me swell with joy. So just consider waiting. It's worth it.