I was doing a little bit of reading in Acts the other night (I'm trying to read the entire Bible for the first time. Decided I'd go at it in alphabetical order. OCD? Maybe a bit.), when I stumbled across a verse that I had (probably) never read before, but that really impacted me.
He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority."
- Acts 1:7
I like to know things. In all actuality, I would like to know everything. I'd like to know why selfish, spoiled rich people are given everything the world has to offer, while the smallest child in Africa is forced to be a soldier for a war he doesn't even understand.
I'd like to know the name of the man I will marry, or even if I will marry. It'd save a whole lot of future drama and heartache, I'm sure.
I'd like to know what God wants me to do after high school. Go to college? Go to Africa? Russia? Will I even live to complete high school?
We all want to know things. We always have. It started at the beginning of time. Why did Eve eat the fruit? To gain God's knowledge. She wanted to know what only God knew. Her desire is in the heart of every one of us, today. We all want to know the things that only God does.
Sometimes I get mad at God for withholding this information from me. I get frustrated, and I yell at Him. Why can't I know?! It's my life! I deserve to know what's going on in my life!
But, I have to check myself. He is God. I betrayed Him, and still He gave his Son to rescue me. I don't deserve anything. I have no right to know anything!
And, even more so, it is not my life. When I became a Christian, I gave my life to God. All of it. My anxiety, my entomophobia, all my faults. I'm so quick to release my fears and faults to God, but I'm less so to release my talents and gifts. When I gave my life to Him, I gave all of my life. My music, my love for special needs kids, my love for my family, everything. It's all His. I am dead. I am no longer my own. I have died, and my body now belongs to God. He brought me back, and now I serve Him, and only Him.
So who am I to ask for any knowledge? I've made so many mistakes with only the knowledge I have. Whose to say I wouldn't repeat the action? What if I tried to change what God's plan for my life was? Knowing would throw off God's perfect plan. It's not for me to know. God is my authority. If He says I don't need to know it, I don't need to know it.
And I trust Him. I've learned to trust Him to reveal what I need to know when I need to know it. Never sooner, never later. Right on time. Because He's God. And God has everything timed perfectly.