As I walk down the sandy, dirt path, surrounded by hundreds of colorful lines of laundry and vegetables springing up out of the ground, I'm filled with an uncontrollable excitement. My heart rate is beating quickly, a huge smile overtakes my face. Soon I'll see her again. Soon, so soon, I'll get to hold my little Carmensita in my arms. I walk into the bland rooms of the baby house, and walk up the creaky stairs to where the babies are sleeping. Just waking up, they're being sent to take their baths, a glorified scrubbing while freezing water is splashing on you. After all the babies are in the bathing/dressing room, I look frantically around for Carmensita. I don't see her yet. I don't see any little crooked eyes, I don't hear anyone singing a song with the words "bonita, bonita" in it. Ten minutes later, I couldn't stand it any longer. Where is she? I get one of the translators to ask an orphanage worker for me, ask her where my baby girl is. The woman replies with no emotion, but the emotion on the translators face is enough for me. Shock. Tears. What is going on? With a quivering voice, the translator replies, "She's dead."My head spins, my heart rate explodes, I'm having trouble breathing. Dead? No. No, no, no. She's not. She can't be. The translator asks the orphanage worker again, if she was absolutely positive it was Carmensita. She was sure. There was no mistake. Carmensita was gone forever. Died in a dirt poor orphanage where no one cared about her because she was different. I felt hot tears roll down my cheeks, my heart feel like it's been stabbed, sobs start racking my body.
And then it's gone. I sit straight up in bed, shaking, the tears still fresh. Just a dream, Tori. Just a dream. It's not real. Carmensita is fine. You're sending her to a doctor, remember? It's all okay. Slowly, slowly, I coax myself back into sleep, still shaking.
It was an attack. A direct attack on me from the devil. He meant to unnerve me, he meant to make me scared. He meant for me to doubt Carmensita's safety. I know that God holds Carmensita in his hands, and I know that He loves me, but I was shaken. You can't have that kind of a dream and not be shaken.
The devil attacks. Don't think he won't. I've never had a dream like that before, not that I can remember. It had to be the devil. I didn't know the devil could invade dreams, but I guess he can. Don't underestimate him. Yes, God is ten times more powerful than him. Yes, he has already lost the battle. But, we are sinful people. Don't underestimate his skill at taking over people.