Sometimes I throw myself a pity party. Not consciously, really. I just feel sorry myself.
Sometimes I feel like I'm nobody's favorite person. That the only person who would rather be with me than with anyone else on the planet is my four-year-old brother. That I'm nobody's best friend. That nobody likes me best. I'm always second best. Or even last.
And then I catch myself. I have a ton of friends. I have a family who loves me. I am blessed beyond measure. I am blessed more than most people in the world. In fact, I am first.
But that knowledge doesn't necessarily take away the feelings of self-pity.
I'll tell you what does.
Thinking about the different definitions of nobody's favorite. To me, nobody's favorite is having nobody come up and talk to me at church. Or not being the first one to get a hug from Evan when she wakes up. Or not being the one that somebody has to talk to.
But I think about Carmencita. She's nobody's favorite. She's the one that nobody understands. No one wants to take care of her, let alone talk to her and know her. She doesn't have a best friend, a confidante. The other kids don't want anything to do with her. She's nobody's favorite.
I have friends. I have family. I have so many people who love me. And Carmencita? She has no one. She is nobody's favorite.
Sometimes I wonder if she feels alone. Does she feel helpless? Like she's swimming in a deep, dark pool and no one is there to help her stay afloat? Does she want to have friends, want people to understand her, want people to know her? Does she feel like she's nobody's favorite?
And it is then that I miss her so much it physically hurts. It is then that I want to get on the next flight to Lima. It is then that I want to go and live at the orphanage.
Because Carmencita deserves to be somebody's favorite. She deserves to have someone be proud of her and proud to know her. She deserves to have someone tell her each and every day how much they love her. She deserves to know how much she's worth.
When I feel like nobody's favorite, there's always someone to speak a word of encouragement, to make me feel better.
But does anyone encourage Carmencita? Does anyone tell her that she's their favorite? And it is then that I hold onto God with everything in me, and pray that somehow He can show Carmencita that she is His favorite.