Sunday, July 3, 2011

Won't Rest

I will say that I had been considering staying in Peru next summer before, but for some reason it's never been as strong as it is now.

I learned a few weeks ago that there is a possibility that I could not only work with the Sagrada Familia orphanage, but even that I could live at the Sagrada Familia orphanage while I was in Peru.

Immediately, I want to jump up and scream, "Yes!" Living at an orphanage has been my dream for years. And to stay at Sagrada Familia? The orphanage I fell in love with last year? The one that I simply can't forget? To see Carmencita every day? It's like a dream come true!

But then I feel like a semi truck has run into me as I get slammed with all the practicalities. Would anyone go with me? Would I be allowed to stay there without another person I knew, especially an adult, an American? What if something happened to me at the orphanage? Who would I contact? What if I starved? Those kids don't always get enough to eat, and I'm not gonna be the loser who sits in an empty room eating granola bars while there are 900 orphans around me starving. What if I can't get purified water? Will I get a parasite? And if I do get a parasite, how am I getting to a hospital? Will I have internet access to be able to contact my parents?

So many questions race through my head, but they stop at one image. Carmencita. Every day. I'd get to spend every day loving on and playing with 900 orphans.

Maybe it's just me dreaming. Maybe this isn't what I'm meant for. Maybe I have a ridiculously romantic idea about what it's like to live at an orphanage. In fact, I'm sure I do.

But I can't let it rest. There's this urge in my heart saying, "This is it. This is what you need to do."

And honestly, the only reason I wouldn't do it is because I'm too afraid. And I certainly don't want to let fear run my life.

I am thinking about it and praying about it and digging into God's word trying to find some answers. But maybe, just maybe, I'll find myself in Peru next summer. Maybe that's why it just won't rest.

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