Adoption Update (Finally)

Well, for those of you who have been reading the blog for quite a while, you may remember a post that I wrote a little over a year ago. It announced that we were adopting again! That I was finally, after years and years of prayer, going to have a sister. We thought she'd be home in June. We thought we might even have our first court date by March.

But God's plans weren't the same as ours. Months passed, and we heard nothing. Then something happened. Something that threw us off. A woman in TN who had adopted a little boy from Russia had literally sent her child back on a plane with a letter explaining that she couldn't handle him.

You can imagine that this upset the Russian government. We were scared that they might close down all adoptions, scared that Evan might never come home. But God was merciful. While the process has been agonizingly slow, we've come through it. Adoptions were not closed, but they were prolonged.

For the past six months, Russia and America have been working to come to an adoption agreement so adoptions can proceed. The agreement still hasn't been signed. And Evan's judge, for the longest time, refused to issue any court dates until that agreement was signed.

Most of my family had lost hope of getting her home at Christmastime. The chances were slim. The agreement wouldn't be signed until late December or January.

But, yesterday, we got an email from the adoption agency. Our judge is going to start issuing court dates! Even though the agreement isn't signed!

Talk about a Christmas miracle! Maybe she'll be home! This is the first time in my life that I've prayed that my parents will be gone on Christmas - that they'll be in Russia bringing home the best Christmas present of all time.

Please pray that Evan will come home soon! I can't help but think that I only have two and half years left until I go to college. I want to spend as much of that time as possible getting to know my little sister. I want her to be home.

Her middle name is Noel. That can't be a coincidence.

Sisters

I love it when babies come home. I love it when the orphan comes home to their forever family. I love reading about it. I love seeing how it changes the life of the orphan and the lives of the family members.

But my heart is still jealously broken every time I read about a baby coming home. Because my babies aren't home. My sister is stuck in a run-down orphanage waiting for us.

The bad thing about having an incredibly active imagination is that you can feel things. I can feel Evan in my arms. I can hear her laughing. I can see her running around with Levi. But she's not there. And this dreamer can't stand it.

I just want my sister home. I don't understand why God wants us to wait. I know He has a reason, but that doesn't make the wait any easier.

I have another sister, though. My other sister is stuck in a Peruvian orphanage. Her birth parents never gave up her legal rights, so she will never be available for adoption.

This hurts almost more than Evan. Evan will come home. She'll grow into adulthood surrounded by people that love her more than anything in the world. She'll grow up knowing that she is God's beautiful daughter, and that she is dearly, dearly loved.

Carmensita won't. My Peruvian sister will never come home.

It breaks my heart. Does she have anyone at the orphanage that loves her like me? I hope so. Are they reading her the bible I got her? I hope so. Does she know that she is dearly loved? I beg God every day that she does.

All through Evan's adoption process, and ever since I got back from Peru, I can't help but feel that this is not the way that God intended things to be. God cannot have meant for one of his children to come home and the other to have to live without a family. God cannot have meant for any of his babies to live without a momma and a daddy and brothers and sisters to love them to pieces. And when I think of how much more His heart breaks for them than mine, I wonder how He can live. He loves Carmensita and Evan. He wants His children to step up and help those who can't help themselves. And I think it's about time we did.

A Leader By Default

What is a leader?

"Someone who has incredible character."

"Someone who's excited about their cause and about being a leader."

"Someone who's confident."

"Someone who remains calm in crazy situations."

"Someone who's good at forming relationships."

"Someone who's good at talking to people."

I guess that people automatically assume that I'm a leader because I'm passionate about my cause, and maybe that's true. But, I can promise that I don't always like to be the leader. I don't think I'm a natural leader. I'd rather follow someone else. But, the truth is that in the area of teens aiding with special needs orphans and orphan care in general, there isn't anyone else to take the lead. I wasn't born a leader. I was forced to be a leader because no one else will step up and do what needs to be done.

And I can't stand it. I am a natural worrier, and I can't begin to tell you how stressed I've been the past few days. I'm running two fundraisers for the Christmas Warrior Project 2010, not to mention school, church, orchestra, and all sorts of other things. I would give up the Christmas Warrior Project. I really would. But I can't. Because NO ONE ELSE CARES ENOUGH TO TAKE THE LEAD. Only me. That's not me being such a natural leader - that's me being forced to lead because no one else will.

I don't like leading. Frankly, I don't think I'm very good at it. I definitely don't have "incredible character". I'm not excited about being a leader. I'm not confident. I have a breakdown when things don't go perfectly right. And I'm absolutely terrible at forming relationships and talking to people, especially people I don't know.

But this is where God has put me. And, I guess he likes to be ironic. Because He chose the worst possible person to lead in the world. A person who stresses so much she can't believe her brain hasn't exploded. A person who is scared of talking to "normal" teenagers because she's afraid they won't like her. A person who doesn't want to lead. God shows us again and again that He likes to use our weaknesses to show His strengths.