Monday, November 22, 2010


I love it when babies come home. I love it when the orphan comes home to their forever family. I love reading about it. I love seeing how it changes the life of the orphan and the lives of the family members.

But my heart is still jealously broken every time I read about a baby coming home. Because my babies aren't home. My sister is stuck in a run-down orphanage waiting for us.

The bad thing about having an incredibly active imagination is that you can feel things. I can feel Evan in my arms. I can hear her laughing. I can see her running around with Levi. But she's not there. And this dreamer can't stand it.
I just want my sister home. I don't understand why God wants us to wait. I know He has a reason, but that doesn't make the wait any easier.

I have another sister, though. My other sister is stuck in a Peruvian orphanage. Her birth parents never gave up her legal rights, so she will never be available for adoption.
This hurts almost more than Evan. Evan will come home. She'll grow into adulthood surrounded by people that love her more than anything in the world. She'll grow up knowing that she is God's beautiful daughter, and that she is dearly, dearly loved.
Carmensita won't. My Peruvian sister will never come home.
It breaks my heart. Does she have anyone at the orphanage that loves her like me? I hope so. Are they reading her the bible I got her? I hope so. Does she know that she is dearly loved? I beg God every day that she does.

All through Evan's adoption process, and ever since I got back from Peru, I can't help but feel that this is not the way that God intended things to be. God cannot have meant for one of his children to come home and the other to have to live without a family. God cannot have meant for any of his babies to live without a momma and a daddy and brothers and sisters to love them to pieces. And when I think of how much more His heart breaks for them than mine, I wonder how He can live. He loves Carmensita and Evan. He wants His children to step up and help those who can't help themselves. And I think it's about time we did.


  1. I LOVE IT! Tori you have such a special heart! And even though I have never experienced adopting a sibling I KNOW EXACTLY how it feels about those precious children in the Peruvian orphanage. I just have to remind myself that he LOVES them and he is JEALOUS of them. He has not forgotten or forsaken them and they will ALWAYS have a heavenly father. We will stand up together for those that can not stand up for themselves. :) God is soooo GOOD!

  2. thanks for having a big heart for these kids Tori.

    "He sees your tears, he fights your fears"

  3. This is an AMAZING paragraph!!! I feel the same way about Mindy. The night that I found out that the Statz wern't able to adopt her, I cried myself to sleep. God has not forgoten her, or your two sisters!! He loves them SO much, more than we could ever imagine. They have a daddy in heaven that loves them!