Hesitations

A few weeks ago, our Peru team did a team building exercise. All ten of us had to stand on a smallish tarp and, without touching the ground, turn the tarp over. While some team members' reactions to this impossible task were excitement, frustration, or anxiety, mine was different. Mine was inadequacy. Am I hindering the team? Would it be better for everyone if I didn't participate in this?

I've had many of the same thoughts in the past few days. It has been increasingly hard for me to focus on the Worthday initiative now that there are serious possibilities that Evan might not come home. I love the orphanage in Peru, but my sister is in danger. She takes precedent.

What if I'm hindering the team because I'm so distraught about the situation in Russia? Would they be better off without me until this clears up?

I know these thoughts are not of the Lord. God put me on this team for a reason. He had this team leave now for a reason. Maybe His purpose in me going is so I'm not so focused on the situation with Evan.

All I know is that my purpose for this trip has gotten much more difficult. I want so badly to be able to focus wholly on the task at hand, but Evan will always be in my mind. I just hope that doesn't affect our objective at all.

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