Waiting

I don't like waiting. Never have.

I love Christmas, hate having to wait all year for it.

I love school, hate having to wait all summer for it.

I love summer, hate having to wait the whole school year for it.

I love Evan, hate all this pointless waiting when, really, they aren't gonna do anything better with her.

Most of all, I hate waiting for God to tell me what He wants me to do with my life. I know He wants me to work with special needs kids, but I have so many questions. When? Where? Will I go to college? If so, what for?

I hate waiting for answers to these questions. But, when I finally got the answer, it wasn't the one I was looking for.

You don't need to know that yet.


Maybe I don't need to know it yet, but I want to know it.

But, then again, my relationship with God and His plan for me isn't about what I want, it's about what I need. Maybe I didn't want to get sick in Peru, but I needed to learn that God would be with me in situations like that. Maybe I didn't want Levi to go to the hospital, but I needed to experience that to realize that God is the only thing I really need. I don't want to have to wait a whole year to serve in an orphanage again, but maybe I need preparation.

While these things might not always be clear to us in the moment, God always has a plan, and it's always in our best interest. God really and truly, with all of his being, loves me. Loves me more than my mom and dad do, more than my brothers, more than Evan will, more than my husband will, more than my own children will. He loves me so much that he died for me. How could I think, even for a second, that He didn't have my best interest in mind? How cruel, and distrusting is that?

I need to trust God with my life, whether He allows me to see ten years, one year, five minutes, or five seconds into my future. He knows exactly what I'll be doing every moment of my entire life. The least I can do is trust Him with it.