Epic Fail Times a Million

Where I live, the phrase 'epic fail' is used pretty much on a daily basis.

For instance, today I was baking colossal brownies for a bake sale I'm having tomorrow at school. I'd noticed that the batter had been kind of thick for brownies, but I went with it, assuming that it was just the mix. After they'd been in the oven about 15 minutes, I slapped my hand to my forehead and yelled out, "Oh, CRAP!" My dad peeked his head out of his office to ask me what was the matter. At this point I was having a mini breakdown. The bake sale is TOMORROW and I need to have enough items to sell. "I forgot to put the eggs in!" I yelled as I stormed around the kitchen. "Epic baking fail!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. For all of you nice people who care, yes, I do have enough baked goods. So I composed myself pretty quickly.

But, anyway, 'epic fail' is used pretty much everywhere. When a kid in my class failed a test, he called it an 'epic geometry fail.' It's just used a lot around here. But, we people like to laugh at other people's epic fails. Like I guarantee many of you laughed to yourself when I forgot to put the eggs in up there. One epic fail, though, we don't like to laugh at. It was an epic fail times a million. It was like that explosion up in the top left, one that took out the whole world.

Have you guessed it yet? It was Adam and Eve's epic fail. THE epic fail of all epic fails. This is how I like to see the story.

Adam and Eve are just walking around, hanging out in the garden of Eden one Saturday evening. Adam's listening to music on his iPhone (okay, maybe not, but let's pretend) and Eve's eating a banana. God went out for coffee, and everything's hunky-dory. When all of a sudden, this lizard comes up to him. Now since Adam and Eve talked to all their animal buddies, the talking lizard really didn't bother them. He turned his attention to Eve and spoke in a slippery, sneaky voice, "Did He really say you couldn't eat any fruit in the garden?" Much to the annoyance of the lizard, Eve shoved the banana in front of him. "We can eat any fruit we like except the fruit from that big tree right there," she said, pointing to the big apple tree that was a few yards away. "He said we'd die if we ate that fruit." The lizard shook his head, a glint of evil in his eyes, "Of course you won't die!" Eve dropped the banana in surprise. The lizard continued, "If you eat it, you'll be just like God, knowing good and evil. He just wants all the knowledge to Himself." Eve was shocked, and she felt betrayed. She couldn't believe that God would do that to her, and she didn't know if she trusted this little lizard. But the shiny, red apples did look tasty. She reached up and plucked one from a branch. Now, Adam was here the whole time, playing Labyrinth on his iPhone, sort-of-not-really aware of everything that was going on. After Eve took a bite of the apple, her eyes widened and she had a new look about her. She put the fruit in Adam's hand and said, "Oh, Adam! It's wonderful! Eat, eat!" "Yeah, yeah, whatever," Adam replied, taking a quick bite out of the fruit. Afterward, his eyes gaining that new shimmer just like Eve's. When God came back and found out they had eaten from the tree He had SPECIFICALLY told them not to, he cursed them. For Adam, He cursed the ground so it would be hard for him to make enough money to support his family. For Eve, he made childbirth horrifically painful, and separated her from her husband so that she would want to rule over him. I can just picture all of their friends laughing at them and shouting, "Epic fail, guys!" Until they realized the curse was on them too.

Their curse is still on us, but God sent a way to escape the curse. He sent His Son. So, you see, next time you have an 'epic fail,' remember that God fixed THE epic fail. Fixing yours is a like breaking a toothpick.